Posts tagged writing

Since no one actually reads this anyways, I am about to free-write.

It’s Monday, the start of another week, the start of another moment, the start of something new. Hooray for Monday’s! Ever hear that moniker..”on Monday, I’m going to start fresh”

Welp, here I am.

That shitty feeling of being stuck in a certain spot I’m not really happy in has returned. At least I can realize when something isn’t right. Like my last dating experience - it just wasn’t right for me, on so many levels, I figured it out in 2 months and not 2 years this time. My friends told me I seemed miserable, they were right.

It’s not where I am physically located, but more mentally. I’m 30. I thought I would be somewhere different by now, maybe with my own place, a good man, or GASP, more job stability, in better health and so on.

The truth is, we never end up where we think we are going. We always end up somewhere different, sometimes a good place, sometimes a bad place, or sometimes just a boring place.

Being sad or mad or weak about this is just a waste of my time. I am where I am. I don’t know why or how, but this is it. I need to be content with it, and keep GOING. I’ve gotta get that PMA back. The real Amy G is strong, fun, independent, and fucking awesome. But I think she’s gone missing.

A few people have helped me out with this, have motivated me in really wonderful ways and even really horrible ways. (thanks ex-boyfriend, it worked).

It just that I get to this miserable place in my mind, where I feel so alone, that no one cares, or don’t have anyone to talk to, that my friends secretly dislike me, and I’m just a huge fat, ugly worthless burden. Yes, sometimes I feel ugly and super fat. I feel like I just don’t belong…anywhere.

I don’t really know why this happens. I know it’s not TRUE and at least I can realize that. However, when I get in this depressive funk it’s hard to get out of. I’m in it right now. Maybe it’s because i’ve been sick for almost a month and its REALLY ripping apart my body. Maybe it’s because i’m terrified of being alone. 

AMY - SNAP THE FUCK OUT OF IT ALREADY.

I’ve got to realize I CAN be single, strong, independent, healthy, motivated and positive. It’s just a little hard right now with all the bullshit in the way.

It’s almost 3 p.m. at the office…

…and you feel like running out that revolving door and never returning to your mundane corporate job. But then you remember you have those adult type bills to pay including your school loans from that fancy liberal arts college you attended. So you stay put in your baby cubicle and suffer through another few hours while looking forward to that end of the day microbrew.

Maybe you just need a change. 

Take a break and read something semi-inspirational.

It happens to the best of us when we aren’t paying attention to the ways of the world, while we have our heads turned daydreaming away about how we all want our lives to be perfect. Well what is the point sitting around waiting for the good stuff to fall into your lap? We got to get out there and “roll with the punches” – incredibly cliche’, but also incredibly true.

Change can be EVIL. It can throw your entire life for a loop, turn your already scattered mind up mind upside down and get you just when you think you’ve got it all figured out. The truth is, no one EVER has it ALL figured out. If we did there would be no mystery, no surprises, good or bad for us to look forward to in this rollercoaster we like to “life.” Whatever it may be, there is always a reason. There is a reason people come in and out of your life at certain times, say and do certain things or why your loved one died or why you are unhappy at your job. Whether understood or not, Change is NOT random. We might not always be able to see through the dark and stormy clouds and find the sun, but we can at least try.

Change can also be BEAUTIFUL. It can give you the opportunity to do things with yourself you never thought were possible. It can give you clarity, provide a reawakening, and give you an appreciation for something you have never had before. It can open up your eyes before it’s too late. Change can save you when you need to be saved.

We all know the feeling, the complacency, the second that smile morphs into a frown on your tired face, the moment we decide we feel stuck in a place we don’t want to be, that exact moment when we yearn for something better. We realize we NEED to make a change to be happy. The good news is we have the power and the ability to make any change we want. We are not restrained. We have enough control over our lives to make that change that we are desperately seeking. So what are you waiting for? Every millisecond that passes in your life is WASTED if you are sitting around waiting. So get up and get moving instead of wasting anymore of your precious time, that we were so graciously given to live on this earth. Some people don’t even get the chance.

It could be a huge career change, moving across the country, ditching that horrible friend/boyfriend/girlfriend that is dragging your heart through the mud or dropping everything you know and making a brand new start. POSITIVE change, big or small is a start to a beautiful life that you COULD be living.

Go after what you want. Chase your dreams.

Do what you love, and love what you do.

- Amy Awesome

There is no greater feeling than knowing I am on the right path to accomplish my career goals. There is nothing better than saying “I’m a writer”, when people ask me what I do for a living. A lot of people are extremely talented writers, incredible masters of their craft, who are extremely passionate about every letter they type, every word they put down on paper - those people are what I like to call genuine writers.

Tomorrow I begin a new endeavor, a new “job” as some might call it. For me, it’s an adventure, a journey, a fresh start in an industry that I love and desperately want to excel in.

People give me slack for my spotted job history - when the truth is, I will keep looking for better opportunities and TAKE THEM. I will keep on moving up and up until I am satisfied with what I do and where I am in life. I refuse to be stuck at a “job” being miserable and taking it out on family and friends. I can tackle this new “adventure” head on, I will learn and evolve into a better writer for myself, and as a commitment to my new company. Because I finally feel like I am doing what I’m good at and getting paid for it.

The only thing I am worried about is…..tripping in my new heels, spilling coffee on my new sweater vest, people noticing my “chronic bitch face”… or not being hip enough to fit in with the cool young artsy types…

Of course I am nervous about the change. But something good is on the horizon, and it’s about damn time.